The heart of a good kid
My son was telling me that this one boy constantly picks on him because he likes pokemon. “He says I’m a dork, dad,” his eyes watering.
“I check out those gun and army tank books from the library so no one will think I’m a dork. But, what I wanted to check out is books on pokemon.”
My heart broke for him. He’s such a good kid that doesn’t deserve to be ridiculed in school. It’s so unfair and you feel powerless to help. Of course, my heartache turned to anger and I told him what I thought he should do.
“Next time he teases you, you belt him one if you want,” I said hoping to give him the courage he will need. I mean, I don’t condone violence, but with bullies like this kid, there’s simply no reasoning. Trying to reason with the abuser will only cause more abuse.
“I want to do that, Dad. But, if I do that everyone will hate me for hitting someone. It’s just not worth it.”Â
I could see the goodness in his heart. He said that out of compassion not fear or intimidation. My son is twice the size of the kid picking on him. He simply didn’t want to do something he considers wrong.
What a heart my son has. Just when you think you couldn’t be prouder of your child, they go and prove you wrong.
All the best
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I'm a forty-something father and husband in training. It's on the job training and I'm doing my best. I share my successes, faux pas and experiences as I try to keep my priorities straight while climbing the corporate ladder (a/k/a the rat race).
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When I first came across this issue, I talked with my mother in law about how to deal with such things. I asked her because while I never seemed very good at dealing with the barbs of other people, my wife is always quick to laugh off such remarks.
She told me what worked for her. When a child would bully her daughters, she would talk to them about why the bully felt the need to be so mean and vile. That it was obvious that the child was the one that was hurting and she would tell her daughters that they should feel sorry for such children because obviously they don’t have such a loving household. Because if they were truly loved like they were, they would never want to be mean to others.
I have tried it with my daughter and I can tell you it works. It works because it shifts the feeling of inadequacy back on to the bully and away from your child. If your child sees the bully act as a desperate act and not an act of power, the effect the bully has on your child is very diminished.
On the academic side, I highly recommend Barbara Coloroso’s the Bully, the Bullied and the Bystanders. It offers a frank look at the bullying kids deal with and offers ways to mitigate the issues.
Michael’s last blog post..Morning Report